Hold me...

It just so happens I need a dose of testosterone. Things with Grandmere got wicked back this morning and I'm scared. How will our family be able to get on with out her? I don't even know, I usually do... but I don't. She won't like me missing school, but I didn't get to say goodbye, which really upsets me. I love her.

I need a Blake hug right now, a Chris hug, Kellen hug, or even a Paladino hug wouldn't even work right now. I told Blake before I even told my friends; I didn't realize that I like him that much. His hugs just look good, I don't know if it's because he's taller but, it just seems that his would be more enveloping... plus his smell comforts me. I need to see his smile....

I have to do homework. How can I do homework when my love is at the morgue? I don't even know, but I have to get some done, I'm not doing it all in one day. I think Grandmere would be happy about that, me keeping up with my school work. She knows that I'm the most studious, always doig homework... even on Football Sunday. Friday is usually my non-homework day, but I have to have time to say goodbye when the funeral comes. Gah, I feel guilty for wanting to do homework. I really do. Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I won't. Good.

My shows are comforting, I should go veg. But I should take a shower. I want to straighten my hair for the day.... I feel even more guilty for indulging myself in comforting things. Why do I feel so guilty?.... she wanted to see her girls, and she didn't and that pisses me off. I should have went Wednesday, mama wouldn't have let me. She would have to me to study.

I feel so angry, there was nothing anyone could do. And now I'm griping about not doing my homework. Eck. I need to go.

Bye, bye Grandmere with your Chantilly perfume and iced tea.