Uckkkk. w. an F in front

Ergh.
Sometimes I don't even know what to do. It's sick. The night was really good, really good and then in a split second it got really bad. I couldn't even call momma cause it was her birthday and I wasn't going to ruin that for her.

These freakin' things keep coming back and I don't know how to stop them; now dad's gonna get crazy and then I'm really gonna be screwed. They're ruining my whole summer and I can't go blaming Delia if I didn't get it from her (even though I'm almost 100% sure I did). And now Grannie-May has it and I don't know what to do. Cause she said it was from the other day, which means I still have it. I'm stuck.

My whole summer, as of now, is shot. I'm back to my old self loathing ways and I haven't been eating as much as I should. But I feel like crap.And I'm gonna feel even worse after I call momma and dump all this on her.

That's not even the worst of it. I can't talk to mother and it's really messing me up. I miss her alot and I shouldn't. She really screwed me over this time, Grannie-May said she broke her heart too. That's really screwed up. It shouldn't be affecting her. Everything is messed up. I miss Mother, I miss Grandmere, I miss life as I use to know it. I hate this.

I can't think about any of this either or it'll make me crazy; though crazy is pretty familiar to me right now. I have no idea what I should do. I have this world on my shoulders and I feel like bursting. I'm so lost.

xoxoxox.