Hold me...

It just so happens I need a dose of testosterone. Things with Grandmere got wicked back this morning and I'm scared. How will our family be able to get on with out her? I don't even know, I usually do... but I don't. She won't like me missing school, but I didn't get to say goodbye, which really upsets me. I love her.

I need a Blake hug right now, a Chris hug, Kellen hug, or even a Paladino hug wouldn't even work right now. I told Blake before I even told my friends; I didn't realize that I like him that much. His hugs just look good, I don't know if it's because he's taller but, it just seems that his would be more enveloping... plus his smell comforts me. I need to see his smile....

I have to do homework. How can I do homework when my love is at the morgue? I don't even know, but I have to get some done, I'm not doing it all in one day. I think Grandmere would be happy about that, me keeping up with my school work. She knows that I'm the most studious, always doig homework... even on Football Sunday. Friday is usually my non-homework day, but I have to have time to say goodbye when the funeral comes. Gah, I feel guilty for wanting to do homework. I really do. Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I won't. Good.

My shows are comforting, I should go veg. But I should take a shower. I want to straighten my hair for the day.... I feel even more guilty for indulging myself in comforting things. Why do I feel so guilty?.... she wanted to see her girls, and she didn't and that pisses me off. I should have went Wednesday, mama wouldn't have let me. She would have to me to study.

I feel so angry, there was nothing anyone could do. And now I'm griping about not doing my homework. Eck. I need to go.

Bye, bye Grandmere with your Chantilly perfume and iced tea.

My insides feel all blekkity..

YY

Hi,
I do believe that someone put my insides in a blender & then shoved them back inside of me. So I guess you could say I don't feel well. Today was very... you know. School was great. My friends rock to the maximum. But I feel supa bad for Kelsey, but she doesn't need pity she needs a friend & that's what I am. Jessica & me are growing closer, so are me & Shelbi//... but me & Lynda// are sorta drifting but that is just a yearly thing.

Today I found out that Blake was a goody-two-shoes (grade wise) like me and it rocked.
(M= Me, B= Blake, C=Chris)
M= So you have homework this weekend? (He had his Honors Bio folder out)
B= No not really.
C= Blake always has extra to do.
M= You turning goody-two-shoes on us Blake.
B= Yep. I've never got a B.
M=Wow, your good.
*Blake is a smart a$$ motha trukka. Yayee.*

Okay, I'm so freaking confused. Chad// was sitting with that Sam girl, I sometimes sit with her in the moringing & she rocks to the maxx...Tommy Maxx, & I'm like wow, unusual. Then I get home & I check out his myspace & the 2 are going out. I totally didn't think I liked him like that. Yes he reminds me of Drake Bell & he's smart & cool but I've known him forever! I've been told by Stacie// that she would TOTALLY want me to go out with him, I always was like, "No...Eww." But there was this one voice on the inside was like,"Yayee!" Well I guess I want what I can't have & the weird thing is I can explain how I feel but I can't stop myself from feeling this way.

I wish I was pretty like Alexis Bledel(aka Rory Gilmore). She is so cool (like Rory), I think she's up there on my famous people who I want to meet list. She's so smart, pretty, & she has a totally hott b/f Milo Ventimiglia (aka Jess Mariano). Plus her fake mom is Lauren Graham(who I also want to meet.) & she plays the coolest character (Lorelai Gilmore, shes so funny, hyper & we have the same sense of humor!!)


That's enough of my gosh-fore-sakin blabbering.
Xoxoxox.



//...hmm.

Don't stop till u reach the top, hommes

Okay,
Today was pretty great. It started out crappy but then it just got better. Katie was here today, & I’m totally crushing on her b/f Hubert (I know crappy name but who cares). Any-who I could just tell he wanted to rip her apart (he had that glint in his eyes, yah know what I mean?) & every time he would lean in to giver her a kiss on the lips/ cheek, she would lean away & totally avoid it. In my head I was all, “WTF, you don’t deserve him at all!"

Then I seen Blake & he started talking to me about how he's gonna beat me at getting no assingments... don't ask. Then some guy came up & interrupted our convo & he wanted to make a bet with Blake's NCAA thingy he has going on. After the guy left & he got his money Blake was all like, "Did you see where I put that?" But I thought he was talking to one of the 2 Chris' & I'm like, "Me?" "Yeah." and I was all like, "No, because if I was watching your exact movement that would be creepy." But I said that after he found his wallet in his jacket pocket. I totally couldn't find Brett today but that was okay cause I got attention from Blake.

& 2 guys could totally like me. #1: I made up this word: "stickitty" on the way home, cause the bannister was all sticky & gross & I was telling Mike about it. So, today Mike was like," What was that word that you made up... I couldn't figure it out all day." So that means he was thinking about ME all day. No offense to Mike but he's like a girlfriend to me, I can just be myself with him & not have to worry about how I look or anything, I don't see any physical attraction (his looks) at all. #2: Derrek, he's another story. I'm like one of the only people that can get him to really open up. When ever he talks to me he's all smiley & happy & stuff. He's really cute, like Ron Weasley cute. I totally don't think we would look good together at all, but I do kinda like him...aww a little Ron Weasley!!

xoxoxox.

Clark loves me more than his dog.

March 14, 2006
Love is coming your way, Shannon, and you are likely to be more passionate than usual. Be careful, however, for your enthusiasm for the object of your desire may go a bit overboard at this time. It is quite possible that you have an unrealistic view of the situation. It also could be that someone is leading you on, making you think something that isn't necessarily completely true.

Yes, that was my horoscope for today & it was totally true! Kaitlyn was hanging on Brett & he wasn't really eyeing me when I almost knocked him down the stairs. But, I'll be cute tomorrow so we'll see if he still checks me out as I walk away. Also, I've been giving love out for free & for people I'm not even attracted to. Hubert has also been really hott these days when Katie has been absent. But Katie (his g/f) is back & school now & she stole his time from me & his cute nicknames! Aww, he's blind to me liking him.

Today I totally admitted my Brad crush to Jeff Dennis... of all people! We were talking about all the fights & he said him & Brad had a "scuffle" but nobody really won. Then I just casually said,"OMG, I used to have the biggest crush on that kid." I wonder if John (Brad's best friend) heard my comment. There's something for them to gossip, stare, & point at... crazy hott staring boy!

Yes, I'm doing Fall Out Boy inspired title's now. YClark loves me more that his dogY came from...a dream, well atleast I think it was a dream... hmm.

Xoxox.